I have never been the type for rules, never been the type
for lasting companionship, and never ever
been the type for listening to authority. In fact, one of my earliest and
fondest childhood memories is of when I was about five years old, and my mother
was tucking me into bed. As she left the room and told me to go to sleep now, I
realized that I had only ever been tucked into the right side of my bed. In my
head, it was a rule that my mother had implemented that I would always sleep on
the right side of the bed. Although that rule was totally made up in my head, I
was enraged that I didn’t get to choose for myself which side of the bed I
slept on, so I very sneakily crept over my mountains of stuffed animals, and
fell asleep on the left side of my bed, satisfied that I had made my own
decision on where I was going to sleep that night. From that night on, I lived
my life in pretty much the same fashion – continuously questioning the rules
and pushing the boundaries. My poor mother.
But she got used to it, and so did the rest of my family,
and so did all of my friends. That’s what I became known for, that’s what I
identified as – the rebellious, always right, lives by her own rules and no one
else’s girl.
So you can imagine everyone’s surprise (to put it mildly) when
I announced that I wanted to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints – a church known by everyone to be a church of rules and regulations
(again, putting it mildly).
To be fair, I was also surprised. God had always been at
least a small part of my life, but this was a church that, in order to be
baptized, I had to give up quite a few things that had become part of normal
life for me. Like tea, and 10% of my income. And three hours of every Sunday, without even a shopping trip as a
reward. At first that seemed like a lot to ask, and to be honest it was really
weird. I could not, for the life of me, understand why people would voluntarily
give up that stuff.
I remember going to a coffee/tea/hot chocolate shop with a
close friend of mine, who was LDS, to talk about the church, because that was
somewhere that I was comfortable. He got a hot chocolate, I got some black tea.
When I offered him some of my tea, he said no, that it was something that he
had been taught you to avoid. At first my rebellious self (my “natural man” I
would later learn to call it) thought, “Well that’s a little bit oppressive.”
But as we went through our conversation, and as I went through the following
days, I began to feel lighter about what he was taught, and to be more curious
than anything, wondering what it was that would make someone not just
voluntarily, but happily give something like that up.
I don’t remember when I first started to give tea and other
things up, but I do remember that it was very rarely a struggle to do so. I saw
the Mormon.org videos, and I saw the light that my friend’s family had in their
eyes, and I wanted that. I craved that. I needed
that, and I felt so strongly that one of the first steps to gain that light was
to give up these things that had become part of every day, “normal” life. But I
didn’t care. I didn’t care what I had to give up, I didn’t care what I had to
do, I just wanted this whatever-it-is that everyone had. I didn’t even know
what to call it other than light, but I wanted it.
There’s a scripture in the bible (Mark 10:25) that says, “It
is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to
enter into the kingdom of God.” For about 20 years of my life I had no idea
what this scripture really meant. I really thought it was saying that it was impossible for a rich man to be saved,
because obviously, a camel cannot fit through an eye of a needle (I hope other
people have thought that, otherwise this will be embarrassing). However, I
learned recently that in biblical times, the “eye of a needle” was a name for a
camel holding area. The door to this area was this teeny door that, for the
camel to fit through, required the owner of the camel to strip the camel of all
of its packs and whatnot, and the camel would have to kneel down and sort of
crawl through this door. I, in a sense, became a camel – a very happy camel.
Every chance that I got I would get on Mormon.org and watch
the videos, I would chat with the missionaries online, I would read my copy of
the Book of Mormon, and I would pray, seemingly nonstop. As I threw these
things (coffee, tea, shopping on Sunday, etc.) to the side, and ran full force
to Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and their gospel, I felt the happiest, the
most excited, the most joyful, that I had ever felt in my entire life. And when
it came time for me to make that decision, “Will you follow the example of
Jesus Christ and be baptized?” it was an absolute, 100%, no-brainer, yes.
So yes, my life is
the exact opposite way that I thought it would be. Instead of getting excited
about which bar or whatever that I’m going to go to this weekend, I get excited
about church, and scriptures, and bible videos, and going to the temple! And
instead of being a single lady for the rest of my life, I’m getting married to
the man of my dreams in less than three months! And instead of living each day
all willy-nilly, I wake up every morning knowing that my life has purpose, and
meaning, and it’s exciting. And as a plus, I am happier than I thought it was
humanly possible to be.
This gospel that I’ve found does not hold me to the ground.
It does not limit me. Instead it frees me, and empowers me, it allows me to fly
higher than I ever have or ever would have before.
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