Look forward and up, always.

Something that I’ve realized about myself since I’ve moved out to Utah is that I am absolutely, 100%, terrible at hiking. Utah has probably about a billion different hiking/walking trails to choose from, and they are all incredibly beautiful! The trees and the waterfalls and the gorgeous secret fields that you find, ah, it’s amazing. So when I think about going, I think “Man, I love to go hiking!”

Until I’m actually hiking.

Then, I wonder why I’m doing this. It’s difficult, and sometimes it’s really dirty, and it freaks me out to no end, especially when I’m by myself, because I’ve discovered that I am pretty darn terrified of mountain lions. Keep in mind, I’ve never actually seen a mountain lion (or even a paw print for that matter), but the fact that they even exist sometimes freaks me out enough that I don’t want to go at all.

However! I feel very strongly that one of the best ways to feel the Spirit, and to receive revelation, is to be out in nature, so I go anyway. The biggest thing I’ve realized while hiking, is that hiking is very much like following the gospel. But the gospel is harder.

Before I hike up a mountain, I like to stop before the trail starts, and see the end goal, so that I can keep that in mind while I’m killing myself. There’s a mountain in Provo, Utah that is called Y Mountain, and it has a huge “Y” (for BYU) on it, which is usually that part that people hike to. The Y Trail is probably the hardest workout that I have ever done, but every time I do it, and make it to the top, it’s worth it. You can see for miles and miles. When you go at night, it’s like you’re looking down on a million little stars when you’re looking at the city light. It’s beautiful, but the hike up is really awful. I imagine that celestial glory is much like this, but way better!

This life is so hard, and sometimes, maybe all the time, it’s overwhelming. It seems like there are so many things that you need to do, so many things that you’re missing out on, and throwing the gospel in there honestly sometimes makes it harder. Christ’s church is not an easy church to be a part of, but it wasn’t meant to be.

Like hiking, when you’re doing all that you can to follow the gospel exactly, it hurts. You will get sore and want to stop, and you will question at some point why you’re putting yourself through all of this. Unlike hiking a mountain, if you’re following the commandments then at one point, or multiple points in your life, you’ll also have people pushing you, shouting at you sometimes, to leave, to turn back and abandon the gospel, and that can be, and probably will be the most difficult thing. But I can promise you, and Heavenly Father promises you, that if you follow his commandments, if you do everything that you can to learn what you need to and get back to him, you will be blessed beyond anything you can imagine.

Seriously, I think it’s promised in the Book of Mormon about 500 times.

I have a friend of a friend who suffers from pretty severe depression. This friend of my friend is constantly battling this, yet she still finds a way to make it to church every Sunday, and fulfill her calling. Because of her depression, she’s unable to feel the Spirit the way that she normally would, and to me that would be the most difficult trial that I could go through. This girl was once asked, “How do you do this? You’re struggling so much, but you still are always trying, and always moving forward? How? And why?” The girl’s response is one that I’ll always remember. She said, “I can’t feel the Spirit now, but I remember when I could. And through all of this, I’ll hold on to that memory, and be motivated by what I once knew to be true, and what I’ve once felt.”

How amazing is that? I hope one day to be as strong as this girl. There have been a lot of times within the past three years (almost) that I’ve wanted to give up totally and revert back to what my old life was like. Everyone goes through that I think. But something that you have to remember is that you are absolutely never ever alone. Heavenly Father loves you more than you could ever imagine, and nothing will ever change that! No matter how much you back track, no matter how much you think you don’t deserve it, no matter how many scraped knees and broken arms you get on the way up this mountain, he will always be right next to you, helping you along the way, and encouraging you, if you will only listen.

I love this quote by one of our apostles, Jeffrey R. Holland, that says “Don’t you give up. Don’t you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead…It will be alright in the end. Trust God, and believe in good things to come.”

I think one of Satan’s very best tricks is that he makes us believe that because of our mistakes in the past, that we are not enough in the present. Don’t listen to him! You are enough! You are loved! And I know that when you get to the end of this trial, and this very long journey, you’ll know that everything you’ve done and sacrificed was completely and totally worth it. We need opposition to know true happiness.

So keep climbing, even though it hurts. Keep looking forward, even if you want to turn around and go home. Wipe away the sweat, and the tears, and push harder than you ever have. It’s hard, but you will get there. I promise!